by Kyle K. Mann
Gonzo Today Contributing Editor and Publisher
Where do you get your news? Who do you trust?
If you’re like me, the list of trusted sources is mighty short.
Well folks, let’s start with what is being reported in the “mainstream” sources as of noon Pacific Time, June 12, 2022. I don’t trust ‘em, but let’s look.
The New York Times says “Senators Reach Bipartisan Deal on Gun Safety” with a sub headline that includes “while narrow in scope…” Right. It’s unimpressive. Politicians have got to raise the age limit and institute background checks on people wanting to buy guns that spray lots and lots of bullets, or I shrug. Teen age murderers… Why, in my youth, the random killers used good ol’ knives, like the Manson Family. Hmmph.
Scrolling down, it’s “Russia Could Soon Encircle Ukrainian Troops in Eastern City,” which I assume means someplace I have never heard of with a long unpronounceable name. Clicking on the article produces an advertisement for a Times subscription. “Support independent journalism” it proclaims, and ya lost me, New York Times. “Independent” my ass. I’m not over NYT liar/reporter Judith Miller selling bunkum on Iraq.
I close the tab, since the “go back” button doesn’t seem to be functioning suddenly, interestingly enough.
CBS News says Nicaragua has authorized Russian troops to enter the country “for purposes of training, law enforcement and search missions.” Sounds like trouble, but when I click on the link, a pop up wants to tell me something about “This is what happens when you eat avocado every day.”
Since I hate popup ads more than I can possibly say here, and refuse to click on them for any reason, rather than continue I leave the CBS page. Avocado, really? It doesn’t matter what they say, good or bad. I like avocados, so I don’t need CBS to tell me about them when looking into Russians in Nicaragua.
Ahh, good old WaPo, also known as the Washington Post. Now owned by billionaire Jeff Bezos. Since Bezos is the owner of Amazon, and since my book is available on Amazon, via Flying Trees Publishing, Bezos is technically my publisher. Uh Oh, maybe I shouldn’t trash my pubster. But… Ahh, screw it. This is the Gonzo News Update, and I gain credibility if I attack the goddamn over-funded monstrosity that Bezos’ outlet has become. Right? Don’t you respect Gonzo News Update more now?
Right. Hey, “50th Anniversary of Watergate: Inside the White House.” Worth a click, eh? Especially given the role that WaPo played in exposing the corrupt Nixon’s evil machinations back in 1972. This is Deep Legacy Gonzo stuff here. Hunter S. Thompson legacy territory. Let’s risk a click. Overcome one’s resistance. Click!
Ugh. It’s a disguised ad for a program featuring “top Nixon aides Dwight Chapin and Ken Khachigian.” Ugh, argh, ack, and the program won’t be on for another two days. “Register for the program here” they say. No thanks. Goodbye WaPo. You used to be a decent source, despite your CIA controllers.
CNN? No, I hate CNN for the outright propaganda and don’t have the stomach for it now.
Sports? Hey, the Giants and Dodgers are playing, and the Giants are gunning for a series sweep. Cool! But when I turn on the radio, it’s some lame announcer asking some girl who sounds about 20 years old irrelevant questions about the basketball playoffs. Yack. Off goes the radio.
Ok, back to news. Google the word “news’ and I get… Guns, COVID, abortion, Trump hearings, China nuclear buildup, Sarah Palin leads in polls for special election… wait, really? I’d almost click on that, but it’s the New York Times. Hmm the Guardian, a UK pixel-rag that used to carry my hero Glenn Greenwald says AOC, that’s Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to you, bub, “refuses to endorse Biden for 2024 as Democrats doubt his ability to win.”
That’s an interesting development, in my view. At this point, it may be worthwhile to remind the reader that I despise all politicians, everywhere. Desire for power should automatically disqualify one for office. Anyway, AOC. Talk about rats deserting a sinking ship. Biden’s decrepitude is unspeakable. The leader of the free world, a doddering husk. I sit here laughing.
“There appears to be growing discomfort with the 79-year-old president across the array of Democratic ranks,” says the article. Yeah, no shit. The gas prices and raging inflation can’t just be blamed on Putin. This is an out-and-out corporate ripoff. I sit here laughing again. At least I’m entertained.
Like I was the last time I cranked out one of these Gonzo News Updates. Horrified, but amused.
Well, on to climate change news, still looking at the Guardian. Phoenix, Arizona temperatures hit 114. Vegas 109, and even the Mile High City of Denver at at 100 degrees. And Death Valley set a new record for the day at 122.
“Meteorologists urged the public to limit outdoor activities.”
Phew! My cell phone tells me we here in Topanga, CA are at a comfortable 77 degrees. As much as I beef about the cold Pacific Ocean water temps, that icy California Current comes in handy at this time of year. It’s 109 in Palm Springs right now. That’s a couple hours drive east. I’m staying put.
I look a bit further. It says the tundra is burning in Alaska. That’s enough of that.
Al Jazeera? “15,000 sheep drown in Sudan port.” OK, uh poor sheep. Turkey mad about NATO. Reporter vanishes in the Amazon, “human material” discovered, was investigating fish poaching. It’s a big deal because it’s happening in indigenous tribe’s territory. Reporter Dom Phillips was last seen June 5…
I hate it when investigative reporters are killed.
Too overloaded now to look at my trusted sources, which usually make me ragingly angry. I try looking at the Times of India and the heading is about the rising life expectancy there. Fine, great. It’s now just under 70.
I’ll be 71 in a couple months. I don’t live in India, of course. Siri says life expectancy in the USA is an average of 79. That’s an average for both sexes, of course, and men don’t live as long as women. I ask Siri what the USA average is for males. Answer: 76.3 years. Wikipedia has it a bit lower.
So I’ve got five years!? How to digest that one? We turn to Charles Bukowski.
“We’re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.” (From: The Captain is Out to Lunch and the Sailors Have Taken Over the Ship)
Upshot: We must go on with the best morale we can summon. Enjoy, really enjoy your day, readers, despite what is called news. Give and receive love, create new things, make it better even if you just pick up a single piece of trash.
Kyle K. Mann
June 12, 2022