Don’t You Dare Look at Dick Van Dyke 2024

by Kidman J. Williams

Death, don’t you even glance at Dick Van Dyke in 2024. Not once, not even a little bit in his direction. In the year of our Lord, 2023, Death took many great actors, comedians, musicians, and a number of other talented people. Yet, every year Keith Richards outlasts them and so does the legendary king of comedy, song, and dance man, Dick Van Dyke.

Van Dyke, was one of my absolute favorites from childhood. To this day I still watch The Dick Van Dyke Show to go to sleep at night. No matter how many times I see him trip ‘n’ flip over the ottoman in his studio made living room, I giggle involuntarily. Watching his television pals, Sally and Buddy, along with his wife (played by the equally legendary Mary Tyler Moore) sweep him back to his feet only for Rob Petrie to stumble into hilarity again. The show reminds me that life at one time was more virtuous. Looking at things now, kids aren’t even allowed to be kids and their parents are losing all of their childhood heroes through their long process to the grave.

The celebrity death boom began in the frigid January of 2016 when we lost David Bowie. Much like his epoch, David Bowie set a trend into motion. The world seemed to have spun into some parallel universe after we lost Ziggy. It was a tailspin where wrong became right, money is paramount over morality, and love is treated as weakness.

2023 has been the year that made all of the Zionists salivate from the corners of their mouths in hopes that they will finally be right about the end of the world. Lord knows these eschatomaniacs missed the mark in 1900, 1910 when they thought Halley’s Comet was going to collide with the Earth, Y2K, and my favorite, 06/06/06; and don’t forget December 21, 2012, when everyone thought the Mayan calendar predicted the end of the world only to find out that they really were just tired after five-thousand plus years of carving.

Now they have WWIII to stand and shout about on every street corner of red state America. Between the Euphrates River drying up, and Israel fighting against the Palestinians for their 2,023rd consecutive year. Their death by God engines are red lining their collective Revelations narrative right up the fragile religious mindsets of gullible people that despite the “end of the world” are still giving money to the church, a demand by the very people who are telling them it is the end of the world. What would be the point if it is the end of days?

We have witnessed our grocery bills, insurance, rents and even utilities go up. Yes, things are bad, but greed is not a new trend. We have seen this before. Writers, musicians, and philosophers have all complained about greedy governments and business practices. It isn’t the end of days just because a merchant or politician wants to screw you.

This year has been another nightmare when it comes to the celebrity death rates. It has been no different since 2016.

People like Matthew Perry, Pee Wee Herman, Bob Barker, Tony Bennett, Tina Turner, Melinda Dillon (the mom from A Christmas Story), Jimmy Buffett, and even the legend Norman Lear. That is really just the tip of the iceberg of 2023. There have been way more than I just named. There was also Richard Moll, Richard Belzer, Tommy Smothers, Lisa Marie Presley, Gordon Lightfoot, Burt Young, and Alan Arkin. Again, this isn’t all of them. The amount of celebrities is longer than John Holmes’ apology list to his costars.

Famous Porn Star John Holmes

We are on the edge of 2024 and all I ask is that it doesn’t take Dick Van Dyke from us. The loss of one of our only true beacons of light in an otherwise grim world and outlook could tip our world into the bowels of a desperate demonic tailspin that only the second coming of Dick Van Dyke could pull us out of.

Without Van Dyke, we are left with nothing but poser musicians and actors just looking for a paycheck. Van Dyke has done nothing but give us love which is what we give him back. Whether he is Rob Petrie, Dr. Mark Sloan, Caractacus Potts, or the loving chimney sweep Bert who danced into our young hearts with animated penguins; he is a treasure that maybe we don’t deserve.

Please be gentle 2024, it has been a rough few years.