FRANCIS SHOCKS PASTORS

By: Staff Writer Yail Bloor

VATICAN CITY, ROME –

Pope Francis – who has already ruffled feathers with certain liberal, even radical, pronouncements like his description of the Catholic Mass as  “boring as Hell” – recently dropped another bombshell during an interfaith meeting at the Vatican with a group of American Christian Fundamentalists.

As a Baptist minister expounded on Sola scriptura, the disputed doctrine that the Bible contains all knowledge necessary for salvation, the Pope began giggling uncontrollably.

When the minister quoted Luther, saying  “a simple layman armed with Scripture is greater than the mightiest pope without it,” Francis broke out into a full belly laugh, silencing the crowd.

“Forgive me,” he said, catching his breath. “But don’t you guys know we made most of this stuff up?”

He waved his leather-bound Douay–Rheims above his head. “I mean Jesus wasn’t even a carpenter. He was a half-competent carpenter’s apprentice and when he couldn’t hack that he became a barefoot hippie who bummed around dispensing hippie wisdom and hanging out with a dozen or so party boys, drunks and whores.”

As the room broke into shouts of protests and chaos, Pope Francis was forced to flee through an open window.