A SURVIVOR’S GUIDE TO SURVIVAL

by Kyle K. Mann

The following is based on over a half century of observation. I’ve been laughed at and/or ignored by a lot of people who are now dead. And they stay dead. You wanna live? Pay attention.

Number One – Don’t eat corporate food. You think they care about you? Bwaaahaha. No fast food, ever. I mean really, why would you? No store corporate food either. Dine out rarely, incidentally. Who knows what food they use? Eat smart.

Number Two – Don’t eat meat. I mean, you have heard of bio-accumulation, right? Jesus, then don’t be an idiot. There are a lot of other reasons not to, but that alone serves, fer cryin’ out loud.

Number Three – Don’t watch TV. Short reason: It pollutes your mind with a worldview that serves others, not you. If you are addicted, try this experiment: turn it off one day a week. If you can’t manage that, ask yourself why that is, and try again. If you can do a week straight, then ask yourself how you feel. Better, riiiight? Yeah!

Number Four – Exercise every day. Not a whole bunch on the weekend, thinking that makes up for it, because it doesn’t, you idiot. At least walk up a challenging slope until you take a deep breath that goes to the bottom of your lungs. This could be the single most important daily thing to do, if you want to live.

Number Five – Do something fun, that you love to do, every single day. Otherwise you just aren’t alive, and you will lose biological integrity, with your loss of good times. Listen to music for example, or better, play it, or sing. Do it!

Number Six – Watch your drinking. It’s pretty much the most dangerous and addictive substance out there. How much is too much? Varies. For me, I have a couple drinks a month, unless I’m in social situations. Then I drink more. But I live alone, and far away from most people, and never drink alone. If you drink every day and get hammered a lot, you drink too much. Cool it.

Number Seven – Don’t do dumb shit. Smoking nicotine and/or texting while driving would be stupid ways to die, right? Don’t abuse weird prescription drugs either. I mean, OxyContin, what? Get a goddamned clue if you want to see 2030. That’s fifteen years that you have to be smart.

Number Eight – Don’t be mean to others. Seriously, I have known a lot of angry people who were mean. Then they died. Karma exists, though I admit my belief fails to explain Dick Cheney.

Number Nine – Eliminate toxic relationships. This is a hard one for many of us, because co-dependency is a vicious problem in our society, where we fear to be alone. But if it ain’t working, find out why and fix it, or walk away. You’ll notice a big change in your life, and soon. Ahhhh! Party time!

Number Ten – Pray to a Higher Power, and give thanks. Now, I was raised by an atheist father who encouraged agnostic beliefs in his children, so I wasn’t programmed to believe or not believe in anything. Nevertheless, I strongly believe in a Power, that really responds to sincere gratitude and requests for survival with grace. Worship as you see fit, but do it. You’ll be glad you did.

Other survival notes – ok, at the risk of sounding trite, don’t get sick or injured. There’s a circuit for this, and it’s hard to explain. Believe in permanent good luck, is the easy way to say it. Or perhaps the best wording is Good Fortune, like the I Ching says.

If you are depressed, jolt yourself out of it. Go swimming, call a good friend, read a good book. Don’t mope, it’s disgusting, and bad for you.

Survival is largely intentional. Bad luck exists, but again, pray your way past it. I worship Hamooli, the One. Works for me.

Be good to yourself, including sleep enough. Very tough, I admit. Also drink water, as often as possible.

Do something silly and nice every once in a while. I took a flower into the local post office the other day and gave it to the lady behind the counter. I don’t know her, but it made us both feel better.

Don’t drive too fast. Seriously! Don’t insist on the right of way, and don’t take your life issues out on the other guy. And again, watch for texting teens, or geezers. What a dumb way to go that would be.

Don’t sigh in exasperation. Yes, you. It’s bad, and affects others, ya selfish twit. Be cheerful, starting now.

So why survive? We have a mission, and it must be completed. Also, it will be interesting to see What Happens Next.

That is it. Now send me all your money.

Kyle K. Mann

Topanga

3/28/2015

Kyle K. Mann
About Kyle K. Mann 55 Articles
Kyle K. Mann is the pen name of a contributor to, and sometimes editor of, Gonzo Today. He lives high atop Topanga, California, where owls hoot and coyotes howl. A radio broadcaster in multiple fields in the 80s and 90s, Kyle currently supports himself part time as a Union film crew member in Hollywood. His articles and interviews first appeared in Gonzo Today in early 2015, and some of them are fairly good.