Dear Lucifer, How About that Coronavirus?

by Kidman J. Williams, music editor –

Dearest Lucifer,

My dear Lucifer,

Hi there Dark Lord,

Hey brittle tits it is Kidman J. Williams!

The fact is Lucifer, I’m not sure how to address you in the beginning of this letter. I don’t think it matters, I don’t think you care if I’m nice or if I am a total ignorant pignut to you. I do however believe that this whole Coronavirus thing needs to be addressed.

I can understand why you may have started with China. Strategically speaking, it was well played on the massively populated board game that was named Earth.

There are mass amounts of Millennials who have been praying for a zombie apocalypse for ten years and an unhealthy percentage of Generation X-ers that feel that they predicted these end times twenty years ago only to become disappointed on New Year’s Eve 2000 while they sat on their front stoops with a forty-ounce of Old English 800.

Joke was on them.

You did the same thing to people when the date read 6/6/06. That was the one that made me laugh. I really did have to applaud you on that one. All those doomsdayers were sure that they read those Bible texts right. They accounted for leap years and daylight savings time and you took a big piss between their collective toes.

I’m not downplaying the virus, but the Coronavirus?!? Really Lucy? You strapped the world with a quick spreading and fairly undetectable respiratory flu? That’s the big disease you gave us? You had a better run with HIV and the two for one deal with colon cancer. Not only did you give us the disease, but you forced men to get a finger up their rusty balloon knots every six months to a year. It really is the gift that keeps giving to you. It is your own personal comic strip serial.

Kudos to you douchebagger!

You got China and Italy pretty good though. They weren’t ready for it. As of thirteen minutes ago while writing this letter to you Lucifer, the death toll in Italy hit an astounding 16,523. China has lost 3,331. The U.S. Is at 10,331. Not as bad as Italy, but still, you took quite a few lives.

I’ll give it to you Lucifer, you are a devious being. At the same time you are a currish coxcomb on top of your fiery mountain top. This is a mere inconvenience to society. We will get through this.

All you really did was stop concerts, but we still have those via intimate online concerts. We still have streaming sporting events like Wrestlemania. The one thing that sucks the most is that the pubs aren’t open and you have grounded parents around the world to their homes with their kids and forced them to homeschool the little ankle biters.

Homeschooling, that was a real prick move!

I just want you to know a little something. One way or another Lucifer, society will keep on keeping on. That’s the way the human race rolls. We are like little cockroaches that just refuse to die and go away. We have what is called self-preservation. And it can be very strong. You may not fully grasp the idea, after-all, you are a superbeing. The concept might get lost on you, but trust me, it is there.

The one thing I can’t figure out is why. Why? You know this isn’t going to kill all of us. So, that leads me to believe that you are counting on the shameless. The opportunists. The ones in this world that will abide to your will and take advantage of everyone in the world while they are sick or scared.

This is the evil that I fear during this time of heightened trepidation. This is why I will NOT stop. I will not stop looking, reading, and checking in. Where there is fear, you will find those savage people that are willing to profit off of a panicked society.

Lucifer, my dearest cunt sore of society, I hope that the human race proves you wrong, but I am looking, searching, and researching like any good citizen should. I guess, much like yourself, I think the worst of society. I wish I didn’t, but the evidence that they keep giving is undeniable.

Although, I keep my hope that this too will pass despite your efforts.


Best Wishes,

Best regards,

Later you abominable shit goblin,

Kidman J. Williams

Your friendly neighborhood outlaw journalist


I am but a humble servant. Maybe not so humble. What I am is an outlaw in a world that doesn’t put much worth into shaking up the systematic status quo. I’m sure you started that trend. A society that doesn’t question the authority is a people that is more easily herded. I knew it from the first time I saw a southerner scream “God Bless America.” That was sly. Southerners hated the federal government. Really Lucy, I just wanted a reason to tell you to fuck yourself one more time.