
By Ashley Beth
Last night I saw my predator
And remembering the way he slid his hands
Around my upper waist
As he pretended to be giving me career advice
I looked down my body and saw his hands bend around my rib cage
Next stop was sure to be a part of me I couldn’t get back easily
I wouldn’t be able to explain away easily
Not that I needed an explanation
To anyone but myself
My neurons
My synapses
Confusedly firing over and over again
That phantom feeling of fingers
I still feel them
Right beneath my left breast
On my ribcage
People tell me I need to remember how to take deep breaths
I bet I haven’t taken a deep breath into the part of my lungs protected by that piece of my rib cage since he rattled against it
Rattling his 40 something, hoodie sweatshirt
“Don’t I look young enough to take you home”
Unrequited energy of youth that he’s using to feed his predator side
Instead of his Man side
Pathetic
And it’s not going to work.
And he and I both know how Loud I can get
And I will scream
I have
And I can do it again.
I will not keep the Silence of my own passing Through the veil of male predatorial behavior
Although, when I saw this Abuser for the first time since he made that poor decision
I wanted to disappear
Shrink into my beer
Somewhere, down there, lies an answer to this fear
Wrong
The answer lies in Self Assurance
So Last Night I Saw My Abuser
And Feeling both Impulses to Shrink Into Submission
Or Sit Up Straight and Bask in the Glory of
My Truth
My Beauty
My Womanhood
I sat up straight, stretched my arms, stood my ground and smiled at myself
Long enough so as this Predator would know he has not and cannot take my Beauty
That he Never Could, he Never Did and he Never Will
And That Has Made All The Difference