Moonlight Mile

As I sit here wondering how I’m going to get this out.  I’m thinking this topic will be difficult without sending some poison down the drain.. I’m going to give it a shot clear-eyed and maybe I’ll find something worth saying.

When you come up, the media, movies, books, stories from friends and families, all talk about “love”.  Or to be more clear. The one for you.

As I have gotten older I’m starting to question the very basis of what people fight so hard for. Why does the fear of being alone drive them to such lengths? I happen to enjoy being alone with my Johnnie Walker Blue and cigarrettes.. When people come over, I usually can’t wait until they leave.. I’ll call on a friend if lonely. Is it feelings towards themselves and needing someone to vill the void caused by this? Were we meant to be with just one person till the end of our lives? Do we really need another “one”?

I’ve failed at one marriage not being able to be “true” to that person. What if I was just doing what my body was telling me to? Why as humans should we deny someone true happiness at any time? The idea of being with one person, one soul, one body “forever” seems as archaic as the dinosaurs to me. Jealousy, hate, resentment, even murder can happen from forcing someone to stay with the same “mate” till life’s end. “For the kids” is a typical reason too.. Kids grow up. Will marriage and monogamous relationships even exist in the future? Why do we deny ourselves such pleasures to please another person? We all die in the end.. Why not have fun why we’re stuck here in today’s society.

In my travels, no matter how much you “love” or want another person sexually, that is destined to wear off after awhile too. It’s different for everyone, but it’s a scientific fact, the lust will slowly fade away, no matter how good she looks bent over. Why deny ourselves true happiness to be glued to one person for the rest of our lives?

This is the tricky part… With everything I’ve just blasted off about. I’ve been a victim of maybe feeling that “one” that everyone raves about.. Wasn’t my wife, wasn’t an ex that broke my heart. It was a devil with big tits and blonde hair. Every night before I go to bed her face will at least cross my mind once.. I judge all females I meet or may enjoy against what I consider her to be. She’s not good for me. I’m not good for her. We live a thousand miles away. We usually argue when we’re with each other. But for reasons unknown, time stops when I see her. When I’m even near her it feels Iike I just stuck a needle in my veins full of electricity. I would walk those thousand miles if she asked me to. What the fuck?

I tend not to get too swept up in “love” and all the cliches on the subject. People do a good enough job embarrassing themselves around me and on social media. I often wonder though if I should be pursuing this treasure of mine, or If I even want that for her or me.

Maybe I’ll change. Where I’m at now is that if you really love someone, let them be free.

Live and let live.

“When the wind blows and the rain feels cold
With a head full of snow
With a head full of snow
In the window there’s a face you know
Don’t the nights pass slow
Don’t the nights pass slow
The sound of strangers sending nothing to my mind
Just another mad mad day on the road
I am just living to be lying by your side
But I’m just about a moonlight mile on down the road”