Fixing the Stupid Epidemic (Fuck Yo Grandma)

by: Dr. Wolfrik Von Frankenstein
art by Josh ChambersView Post

Science dictates that you are a brain deficient, shortsighted, unintelligent, meaningless moron.  Studies have shown that the human brain is 10 times more likely to be “out to lunch.”  The brain in 2015 needs a reboot.  Retraining a person to have a thought process might be easier than you would think.

If we can’t get a grip on this issue we will be an oil spot in the history books.  The sewer rats will pass us in the evolutionary chain if we aren’t careful.  Look at the chart.  This chart shows that intelligence has taken a nose dive in just 3 generations.


In this chart we see that all generations are born with the same amount of intelligence.  Your dear Grandparents managed to hang on to their smarts and wit for quite some time.  You will see the drop in intelligence once the internet became a full blown epidemic in the US.

People can’t think without Google telling them where they can find things.  There are things like Google Maps, Wiki anything and translator.  People don’t read anymore!  They just read through headlines like the lazy little twat cookies they are!

Things like Google Maps, how to pages, and most of all, people have just simply stopped reading. Now they just want to read a headline and anonymously scream about what they believe is the truth.

Yes, yes!  The internet has made people as dumb as the carny building the rides that you trust.  We can’t put the full blame on the internet or the virgin in his basement.  This is true.  So, who can we put this ghastly and gruesome blame on?

One could say that it is your parents fault.  I could say that it is your parents fault.  All those years ago when they shooed you off to watch television in your room with the other kids.  That’s when they and their friends irresponsibly snorted a bunch of cocaine.  This usually led to wild orgies and partner swapping to escape the doldrums of family life.

Let’s go and explore a little bit further back.  Your sweet Grandma.  Who got mouth-fucked by your Grandpa so she could stay “pure” until marriage.  Then they had your Father after they got married.

The growth in this “Duh Generation” is due to convenience.  I hear you reader!  “But, Doctor Wolfrik Von Frankenstein, what do you mean?”  That question popping up in your head comes from your parents’ puerile pandering.  I am getting to the point you impatient anus!

People invented conveniences like the microwave.  There were gas lawn mowers and vibrators that do things that a dick can only dream of.  Television instead of books.  We got video games verses board games, killing the imagination.  And of course, last but not least, the internet.  All these things are examples of “convenience.”


These conveniences are like crack cocaine.  At first they are the greatest things in the world, then the addiction takes a tenacious hold.  It seems so harmless and fun at first.  Suddenly it is 5 in the morning, you gained 45 pounds and you lost your job.  Why?

It is all because you have become lazy.  You have been playing video games while surfing the internet, cooking your pizza puff in your microwave and having sex with your vibrating pocket pussy.   You can’t even go out to find a girl?  JESUS, at least go out and buy a hooker, man!  Hell, you can call for a hooker!

I digress.

Just like any spectacular drug that makes you feel good, it is bad for you.  It makes you lazy, it fries your brain cells and destroys your life.  So what is a person to do when they are hopelessly addicted?

You could go to rehab, but I’m pretty sure people would laugh you out of a facility.  There isn’t a meeting for using too many conveniences.  You could go to a sex addict meeting for the pocket pussy though.

This might be psychological.  Your grandma has made you a little twat.  It is true.  So I lift my glass to your Grandmother for pawning your Dad off and not teaching him how to raise children.  Slap that bitch in the mouth.

Then go over to your Father and slap his apple bag once.  One good shot to make sure he can’t produce another fuck-hole without a yearning to learn.  Make sure the contact is made at the point showed in the diagram.  Don’t get me started on the lack of common sense.  That is a whole other article.

Fixing the problem is not going to be an easy task.  The smart people are becoming outnumbered by these derelict dumb-fucks!  As fun as it would be to slap these moron’s grandmas, we just can’t.  I know, I know, it is sad, but if we keep slapping Grandmas all the smart people will be in jail.  Give me half a chance in a dark alley and I’ll do it!

I know that you are asking yourself, “Fuck Dr. Wolfrik Von Frankenstein, I thought you had a fix to this problem?”

I do.  There are no worries.  I wasn’t bullshitting you into a trap. We as a society could just let North Korea bomb us and hope they don’t miss the moronic.  They do have real shitty guidance systems.

We could just let China collect on our debt.  That way the smart folks could just fade into Canada and let China deal with the incurable stupid.  It would be a nice middle finger that the Native Americans couldn’t give.

Let us examine the idea of reprogramming.  That means that things have to be put on a reset button.  The politically correct have to get off their collective asses and grow a pair of balls.  Not little balls, I’m talking great grapefruits.

The second that disciplining a child became nearly illegal, it opened up the country for morons.  We have to instill a real need to not be an addlebrained leftist dumbfuck!

No matter how you look at it fear is a great tool.  The feeling of having fear keeps you alive, it keeps you moving in line and it helps drive you.  For example, our jails have had one Hell of a bump in numbers.  This is not just because of the private prisons.  We have also had an increase in actual criminals.  Put the fear of going to prison back into the criminal and you will see a change in the numbers.

Fear works for leading.  Fear can work for learning.  Fear no doubt works for people who fear prison.  We are barley taught about cause and effect anymore.  Maybe because people don’t know the difference between “effect” and “affect” anymore.

If you don’t do your homework in school you won’t go anywhere in life.  Not good enough.  If you don’t do your homework in school you will end up alone, broke and maybe even dead.  Dead and alone on the street leaves zero possibility of coming out on top doesn’t it? Need something worse?

You will be sent to jail.  Your parents didn’t instill a work ethic or teach you goal setting you didn’t finish those martial arts lessons.  Now you are sitting in jail as Dr. Lovejoy’s bottom boy.  Should have stuck to those karate lessons.

The fact is that people are double stupid.  I think it will keep doubling if we don’t start to seriously fight it.  So take a stand against the PC knob-gobblers and slap your Grandma first.  The rest will just start to fall in line after that.

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