By: Jessup Powers
LET GO, AND GOD DAMN
It was a sunny day in autumn. I was driving down the road to my impending doom. On my way to some mixer that my friend was having. Well that’s if you could call it a mixer, in reality it was just a simple gathering of fools that wanted to get drunk and stoned. So of course I was stoned and very tipped back. I had just finished a pint of whiskey and had another one in the trunk, not to mention the three bowls I had just smoked. Up the road and then turning onto Church St. to get on Sr 193, then towards Roy. I would have gone down Main Street but unfortunately it has been overrun with traffic, construction and general disorder as of late. So I went the other route, which took me through a winding road which was perfect to just be in the moment of driving. I finally pulled onto the turn leading me towards the winding paved path. I slowed to the proper speed, after all can’t shit where you sleep, as far as I could say. Twisting through the turns, listening to some good old rock’n’roll. I thought to myself how I didn’t really like this fucking git I was going to see too muchand why I would go see someone that I didn’t like as much as I should to be a proper friend. But fuck it I’ll have a drink and get fucked up, maybe play some croquet. I passed through the intersection, when I realized that I had gone to where he use to live, which had actually been his ex-fiancee’s place, well her family’s place at least. So i continued on. I felt reminiscent about the times we had all shared there and the days we use to get along, even if it was an act sometimes.
I missed the 2 of them and all the friends and acquaintances they had. Too bad that Gail and Mimi had split and we all parted our own separate ways. I never knew why I hated either of them, other than having them mock me and shit, but in such a way that it felt good. I guess I never had been a good friend to those I’ve known. So I’ve reaped all I would have to sow. I missed all the things that use to be. But oh well, I continued driving on and snapped out of my own head when I realized I had just run a red light. I pulled off into a parking lot of the mall and circled around until a parking space became available. I pulled in, got out of the car, locked it and proceeded to go in.
The Newgate mall had always been odd to me. It was a food court in the middle with shops going up and down each side. The head shop was alright, but it was silly to have the tattoos there, as well the ridiculous prices on everything. Plus the people were very different from face to face. I aimlessly wandered around inside and didn’t bother going in any stores. Instead I sat down on a bench and watched the people walk on by. The young’ns, and their little cliquey gossip, the freaks and their all-black clothing, the women all dolled up for nothing. It made me laugh and smirk to myself.
Now to be honest, I had blacked out for some time, since the next thing I remember is this kinda punky blonde giving me her number and telling me she was getting done with work at 8:00 tonight. I stammered and muttered, “WHatthefuckisgoingonhereand whothefukar U?” “Your funny, but my name’s is Kali,” she said with a giggle. “Call me after I get done with work, o.k.” “Yeah sure,” I said while the rest of the room began to fall into focus. I had walked into Spencer’s Gifts and walked out with apparently something I had just bought. I looked down into the bag and saw nothing other than some deep throat lube, normal lube and 2 toy’s, one of which had a motor in it. I looked at the number that the punk bitch had given me. It read “can’t wait to try those toy’s out tonight, call me, Kali.”
What the fuck did I just do and how the hell did I do it without actually being there?
I walked with a giddy-up in my step out of the mall and to the car. I put the bag underneath the passenger seat and locked the doors then buckled up, turned the key, slowly backed out and left.
I hit the road with one purpose on my mind. Getting some more booze if I’m gonna get laid tonight by some very nice looking female that I had just met while blacked out. Then… SURE. Why not have something to drink. So onward toward the liquor store, then I’ll wing it from there. No need to plan anyway they always fail, or something else comes up unexpectedly. Let go, and god damn anymore. Maybe this Kali will be different from the others and not a god damn shit fucker bitch. Perhaps Gail and Mimi will have grown up or changed for the better, and while I drove down the road with the liquor store in sight I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and thought to myself “With any damned luck from any thing, perhaps you’ll get yourself together tonight you salty bastard, and by the way try not to be a complete and utter fumbling fool, FOR CHRIST FUCKING SAKE, stay sane Jimmy, stay sane. You can’t let all go and god damn yet, not yet.”?
No Pain, No Gain
I wandered through the parking lot and into the liquor store, looked around at the usual things. Whiskey, gin, rum, rye, and the Irish whiskey, but unfortunately nothing was on sale. So I looked around for a second longer and decided to get a small bottle of Wild Turkey. I sauntered toward the counter and had my I.D. in hand, after all they are suppose to ask me for that. I wouldn’t want any of these fine folks to lose their job over some technicality, a damnable situation I know all too well. It was a tobacco sting that I got popped for 6 months ago, and I guess it’s my own fault for being stoned and in a hurry to please the line of horrid customers 10 people long. “12. 57,” the clerk exclaimed after looking at my I.D, and scanning the Turkey. I handed him 13 dollars and waited for the change. “42 cents, and do you need a receipt,” the clerk replied. “No I don’t but thanks and have a good one,” I replied walking out the first door and then holding the other open for some old lady. I walked to my car, “mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mm mm m m m m,” humming a little tune. With my bottle in hand and nothing going on tonight, I can just get stink-o and waste my brain. I pulled out of the parking lot and turned left to avoid the traffic. As I drove down King’s street, Nirvana’s Heart Shaped Box played on the radio. I turned onto Gentile, and continued home. I decided not to go to the party, But my gut turned and tossed, as if I had made the wrong decision. The light turned and I continued on. After turning onto Fort Lane, it finally clicked. I’ll stop, smoke some more grass and have a small drink, harhar. Then go out to see him. I pulled into the driveway and continued inside, walking down the stairs after gathering some mixer for my bourbon and a glass. I sat in my room on my bed and pulled out my bag and some papers. While rolling some joints and having a drink, with television on nearby, I couldn’t help but think about Mimi and how she was such a little cunt bitch, even if she was a new mother. I always wanted to ravage her and leave a mess of her mind. But the opportunity never came up in all the time I knew her. It would be better if I could just blast some of them all away.
A .357 magnum revolver would do the job I think. I could see it now. (ravaging the shit out of Mimi, causing her to sweat and moan and groan, ride, gyrate, and convulse with absolute pleasure.) But I digress, it is just an afterthought after all. I didn’t think I would see her ever again. But I would see Gail, and he doesn’t deserve to be blown away with a magnum .357. I smoked while realizing I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want this dread feeling in the gut either.
After smoking a few joints and having a few drinks, I decided to head on out to the party. Maybe there I could get rid of this twist in my gut. So I gathered up my drink and weed and some other little treats for myself and headed out. Before pulling out of the driveway I made sure to have money and all that I would need, plus some personal insurance in the form a good knife that was razor sharp. I drove down the road and to the bank. After getting some more cash, I went to the gas station to get a 24-pack of beer. The clerk in the gas station was rather cute and sexy. Her name was Stacy. She had brown hair and a small apple bottom ass, with thick pouty lips, green eyes, and some immaculate tits, wearing this little spring kinda dress that was a pink floral pattern. I walked in and instantly connected eyes with her.
I circled around the counter and headed in the direction of the beer, looking back to see she was still staring at me. She started to walk over and turned into the back area. I proceeded to pull a 24 pack out of the cooler and walk to the register. Then I heard a voice speaking to me. “Hey there sir can you help me with something real quick?” I looked and saw it was Stacy standing in her pink dress with a tender smile and glint in the eye while she curiously bit the bottom of her lip. ” Yeah sure what do you need help with,” I asked. ” Well it’s in the back here, so could you follow me.” “Sure I guess, but it won’t take long will it. I got somewhere to be.” “No i don’t think it will for me,” she said with a giggle. I followed her back behind the cooler area and into this little area that was like a closet. She then turned around and started kissing and groping me, lunging her tongue in and out of my mouth and down my throat. My heart raced and blood boiled, I had no clue what to do? So, I went with it. She then started to undo my pants and grab my member with a mega kung fu grip. Before I could say anything she instantly dropped to her knees and swallowed every bit of my throbbing love. I gasped for air as my knees began to buckle but couldn’t get much since we were in a cooler.
She furiously bobbed up and down like she was on a mission, then jumped up and straddled me, slamming my cock into her wet slit as I stood there. Swiftly pumping back and forth, left and right, she tightened her legs around my waist and thrust her tongue in and out of my mouth. Faster, faster, faster, harder, harder harder, and harder. Until she shuddered with a silent scream that only I could hear right next to her.
“Oh my god that was so what I needed right now, and it feels so good to be full, hehe.” I looked at her with shock an awe. “Jesus Christ that was nice, but I gotta go so I’ll see you around,” I said as I pulled my pants up and walked down the cold alley in the cooler, picked up my beer and headed towards the counter. I payed for the beer and went to the car, pulled out of the parking lot and went down Gentile to Main, it was the only way to get down to Gail’s without much of a hassle. So I went down the road and figured well at least I’ll get a little more drunk tonight and then it don’t matter what comes out of my mouth, I’ll just be drunk. Fuck it right, no pain no gain. Yeah that’s it no pain, no gain, bless whoever said that wonderful little gem, I thought while the radio station switched to a block party of Guns and Roses. “Welcome to the jungle we got fun and games…” The sun was setting now and I hadn’t done much of anything for the day but drive around and think of stupid shit. No pain, no gain.
How the Hell Did you End Up Like This
I drove down the road, coasting down Main Street, appropriately stopping for the lights and signs. While waiting for a light to turn I reached over in the passenger seat and grab a beer from the 24 pack I had just bought while smoking a cigarette. I figure I wouldn’t be too bad off considering I wasn’t far from Gail’s place. I sipped the beer wondering how many cronies would he have there and would any of them be worth being around, or would they all be simple minded c-laud’s? Secondly, would any of them be female and fairly good looking. I looked down at the dash board clock and realized that I had about a hour and a half before Kali was off work. So I had enough time to make my entrance, have a few beers or shots, and maybe a joint, before I would need to pick her up. I figured all this as I came to the street I had to turn down to reach my destination. Down and over the railroad tacks, down another hill, and then a left tun and another left. There I was pulling up to the side of the curb. I shut the car off and put my whiskey in my inside pocket, grabbed my beer and cigarette’s.
Knock Knock Knock!! The door opened, ‘hey Jimmy how ya been,” Gail asked. “Oh you know breathing and standing and all that, how about you” I replied. “I’ve been good, it’s good to see you,” as a child cried in the distance “oh hold on I’ll be right back” he said leaving. “Yeah sure thing man,” I replied as Gail went to check on what I suppose was none other than his kid. I took my shoes off and stood a moment. I could hear voices downstairs talking spastically about drinking and what movie to watch while some others whispered too loud about fucking, and someone kissing in the faint background. I figured it was about four or five guys and maybe just as many females. Most likely all in the 21 – 23 range. At least so I hope, I wouldn’t want to give any drink to any non-legal fucking shitbagger that thinks they can take what’s not theirs.
I started to think about just turning around and going out the door and leaving, but Gail came walking down the stairs and insisted we go downstairs. I followed with a grim-ass look on my face as he started to prattle on about his new endeavors and projects.. I walked in to see the right amount of people in the room plus 2 that I hadn’t counted on, a few good looking females that seemed to be bi or gay. The other people I had met here and there but only in the company of Gail. I fuddled through and set the beer in the fridge and saw many other bottles. Luckily, I saw a small mini of some good bourbon and pocketed it while I placed the beer inside. I walked around till I could find some corner to kinda hang out in to soak in the atmosphere and see what potential if any some of the people had.
Normally I wouldn’t smoke inside, but the window was open so I felt I was OK. I sat there and looked around while a few people came up to me and asked for a hit, some idle chit chat, then walk off to some other place. I continued smoking and drinking and after about four shots and 2 beer’s, I heard Gail request everyone into this room. He waited till everyone got in there and then shut the door and turned the lights off. He walked by and said quietly to me “your gonna love this.” He proceeded to turn on this projector that instantly reminded me of the day’s back in high school. …3…2…1…”The massacre at the fork’s bend” …I proceeded to watch this little 1:35 minute video of these demon like creatures roaming around, looking for these flowers to eat and destroy, followed by a fire melting some manikin, then Fin. Everyone clapped and applauded and clamored around Gail and started asking him questions that made little to no sense. I saw he was in some small panic over the whole thing and didn’t want to deal with it all right then. I motioned to him i was going out for a smoke and he motioned that he would follow.
I walked out of the room and toward the stairs, passing this girl that was blonde and somewhat pretty, at least enough to want to slag one off on her. So I slapped her ass and grinned as she looked back at me, with this look of disgust and contempt for what I had done. My smirk vanished and I turned around to go up the stairs. I walked out and lit up a cigarette, calmly breathing in the night autumn air. Shortly after a moment of quiet the door opened and Gail walked out. “Jesus man thanks for saying you we’re going out for a smoke” he said. “Oh no problem man you alright, or is it too much for ya” I asked?” “No it’s not too much, it’s just annoying to try and answer all these useless question’s.” “yeah I can imagine,” I replied. “Very good video though man. How long did it take you to do all that,” I asked. ” It took me about two and a half weeks to get all the drawings done and then to piece it all together.” ” Cool, cool man, it was very nice, with the demons eating the flowers, pretty cool, pretty neat, I’m impressed.” “Thanks man, I’m glad you could make it, it’s good to see ya, I’m gonna go inside and get a drink man, so I’ll see you in there.” ” yeah man I’ll be in shortly,” I said as he walked inside. I felt sickened almost, then realized that I was just jealous of the fact that he could have so many people love him and want to be near him. I could only hope that someone would actually hear a word that came out of my mouth. I guess that’s why I always ended up hating most people I have known, or at least hating something about the way they are or who they are around. I guess it’s always been my own fault, and I’m the one to blame for being alone and desolate from everyone else.
I don’t know how to change it, and I guess there’s no need to care. I looked at the moon and saw it was full and brilliant-looking in the night sky. I took another breath of the still air, stubbed my smoke out and went inside. As I stumbled down the stair’s I saw a fair amount of people dancing around and grooving with the beat of some mix they had on the sound system. I leaned up against the doorway and just watched. I noticed the clock on the wall, and realized I had about 20 or so minutes to get back to the Newgate mall, and then back here. I went and found Gail, right before he was going to get down with the girl that scuzzed me off and some other female. ” Hey man I’m gonna go pick up this bitch I met today and then be back alright, so I’ll see you in a bit.” “Yeah man I’ll see you in a bit and we’ll jam out.” “Sure thing man,” he shut the door, and I headed out the front. I got in the car and started out up the street to Main Street. I got over the railroad tracks fine, and had no problem getting to the mall.
I got inside with a double quick pace and then went into Spencer’s. I saw Kali standing there putting some stuff on the shelves. She turned and saw me and instantly smiled as she came walking up to me. “Hey there, I’m glad to see you came back, you didn’t call.” “Yeah sorry about that I’ve been running around a bit and had to tell my friend I would be back, that is if you’d like to go out to hang and have some food and drinks?” “Oh shit, I would love to, but i got stuck here till closing, the girl called in sick.” “Oh that’s alright, maybe some other time then,” I said. She walked up to me and grabbed the back of my neck with both her hands softly and leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Damn right another time, I want to fuck you and use those toys, so why don’t you call me tomorrow.” “Yeah I’ll do that,” I muttered. “damn right you will, you’re my guy now.” I couldn’t believe this, she was already laying claim to me before she even fucked me, but god damn was it nice to hear this vixen,lusty,luscious,freak,punk,goth women flat out make such a statement. It sent chills down my spine and goosebumps everywhere else. I gave her a hug and she turned my face toward hers and shoved her tongue down my throat, and it literally went back to my throat and down. I sprung up right away, and gasped for air when she pulled away.
When i finally got in the car and sat down. I locked the doors and grabbed the other beer from the glove box. I cracked it open and swallowed a half a xanex and 2 lorazipams. I thought to myself, (your really in a jam of shit from the shitter now man, you got a women laying claim to you and the women you’ve been with for the past however long living downtown, and Stacy fucking you in the gas station. What will you do with this? How the hell did you end up like this you asshole) while looking in the rear view mirror drinking my beer. “How did you end up like this?” I chuckled as I started the car and backed out. Back to the party if you could call it that?
I had met Gail when he was with Mimi and started jamming and hanging out and drinking and getting high. All the while we hung out and acted as if we were a happy musical family. My women lived closer so it was easier to hang out and none of us had kids. I had a good job for some time at a doughnut shop and things were cool. I remembered us all camping and swimming at night, watching a thunderstorm roll into the valley. Now it’s all twisted and we barely see each other and don’t hang or jam out, and he has a kid from Mimi, who ended up with some other fucking swine guy that already has a kid. My women is pushy on the subject of marriage, even if it just is for the possession of a ring and her family’s approval. I thought of Stacy and her bountiful bosoms, round ass and perfect hips to grab and pump furiously. The night sky looked beautiful in the front window of my car. The moon was high and the stars shined. I went down Main Street, heading towards Gail’s again.
I pulled out a joint to smoke after stubbing a cigarette and lit it up, coasting down to Hill. The railroad tracks just up ahead about 20 yards maybe. I figured that at least I had a story to sing about and I looked forward to calling Kali the next day. Those toys wouldn’t go to waste after all. I puffed on my joint and figured on having a good night. I got to the railroad tracks and started going over them. I heard no sound and saw no light, but I suddenly felt the car lurch to the left with a horrible sound all around me! I looked and saw the front face of a train that had slammed into my car. Screeching along the tracks with sparks flying from the train and my car’s body grinding against the tracks. A sound of steel grinding steel and gravel being cracked and broken apart underneath. I was strapped in and helpless to do anything, the car flipped suddenly and turned onto the top, so now upside down, strapped in to my seat. The train couldn’t slow down and I kept being slammed along the tracks while the horn thundered in my ears and I continued smoking my joint, frozen to my lips. Glass from the windows was breaking everywhere and the sparks kept flying. But to me everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. I thought, how sad I couldn’t say goodbye to any of my family, and how I couldn’t tell my friends Gail and Mimi how I thoroughly enjoyed the time we all shared. I wouldn’t have the chance to kiss my lover goodbye, and Kali would never truly lay claim to my body. Then I could only think of what they would say to my ma when they found my body in a crumpled-up car with a dildo and lube on the ground, with an empty 6-pack of beer accompanied by a bottle of Wild Turkey. The train finally stopped, and the car flipped over and over and over and over again. Tossing me around like a rag doll in the seat. I came out of the daze of everything being in slow motion and felt the pain sink in from my dislodged arm that popped out of it socket and the cuts from the flying glass causing blood to stream into my eyes, creating this red haze over everything. The doob burned all the way down to my lip and burned it slightly. I couldn’t see beyond all the smoke and steam from the train. I reached to the ground and grabbed my bottle of Wild Turkey with my other good arm. I brought it up from the ground and realized my ankle had twisted, so another pain set in. I could smell gasoline leaking from beneath my car. I tried to undo the belt with the good arm but it was locked in. I knew it wouldn’t be long before something sparked and I was blown to hell or wherever. So I took one last giant swig off my bottle and tipped my hat, even though I hadn’t had one on at all. I looked away to the night sky and took one last breath as the wind blew with a strong gust and a black bird flew over head in the light of the full moon. A small tear ran down my cheek, then I heard the spark of the wires in the engine. I felt the flames burst underneath and saw them rise from the side. I lit one more cigarette and tipped the bottle back one more time. As I heard in the distance a voice shouting? “Are you O.K., hey mister are you O.K.”
A great fireball exploded from under my car and lit up the night sky like a giant 7 ft. roman candle. Flame after flame flew around for what seemed endless minutes. Up into the night sky it flew, seen for miles around. It blew my body apart into too many pieces to count. But my head stayed intact and flew up in the sky twirling, still having a touch of life in it. I realized this would be the last time I see or think anything. The last thing I saw in the brief moment before my decapitated head lost life was the fireballs and the surrounding area, with the light of the full moon shining down and the fireballs of my demise blasting upward. I could only think one thing…”Sweeeeet!… I hoped Gail and all them had heard or seen the fiery explosion. They’d know that it was just me screaming “TA”! With a faint whisper, via con dios, adios muchacho’s….