by David Wood
I told Jesus Christ I don’t like him. I don’t like him because he dresses like a fucking hippy and does even less. I don’t like him because he asked me for money and he told me about all the people he helped. I don’t like him because he makes me feel bad about myself. I am busy working to keep food on the table for my family and he rubs it in my face that he gives calories to water by making it into wine.
I told this to my mom. She said I needed to lighten up on him. I considered her words, but that night Jesus told me his dad is god. I felt like he was rubbing it in my face that my dad is a paranoid gun nut. I decided I don’t have to like Jesus because he is a dick.
