The Magic of Christmas and Fat Greedy Bastards

By: Ernie Hurt

Despite the fact I haven’t seen a snowflake in a month; I am beginning to feel that old Yule tide spirit. The type of feeling that makes hot cocoa taste better, and warm fires most inviting. The nip in the air brings on memories of past, some hazy, some happy but all of them pleasant. My earliest Christmas memory is of waking up and finding a Jr. Drum set when I was probably 3 or so and even though I only kept them for a little while, the excitement from that long ago evening brims from every pore of my body when I think about it.

My family wasn’t very religious, so the holidays were a more about the magic of the season and less about the birth of Christ. We were the kind of family that watched The Christmas Story every year and gorged ourselves on a plump ham. We never sang carols but we had the largest, most brilliantly decorated pine that would fit in our house. I strive to carry on that same amount of cheer and jeer in my own home now that I’m an adult. My hope is that my son will feel and pass down the whimsy of Christmas.

Now I’m not saying that there is no reason to be pissed off, with shitty traffic and chumps that ring bells in front of stores. Idiots loafing around the local department stores shopping and shit tons of bad fruit cakes fester at the soul like a parasite. When I see the consumerism in full swing it depresses me. I picture sheep mulling about in the field nibbling the grass planted by a greedy man in a suit, laughing as his bank account inflates.

But I also find humor in the darker side of Christmas. I get a stern chuckle when a relative I haven’t seen in 10 years wishes me a happy holiday. Do they really think this makes up for the lost connection or does it make them feel better about it in some narcissistic way? Perhaps they just think I only exist in the December or they don’t care if I have a happy 4th of July. How about your friends that have great jobs and pull in 3 times the money you do, yet they only spend a buck on a gift for you. Now I’m not greedy but why go through the trouble? The gesture? The comedy of the situation is the fact that they sometimes forget to remove the price sticker off and your glances at it leaves them with a red face. They say it’s the thought that counts and I’m thinking this friend is a cunt.
In closing I wish you all a happy Holiday, Hanukah or winter solstice. I hope you enjoy this special time with your family and enjoy the gifts you get. Get your belly full, hug your kids, laugh and smile because this is time of year it’s expectable to believe in magic. I’m not talking fake Harry Potter shit but true organic magic that comes with frost and snow. Count your blessing and revel in the happiness that’s so hard to find in this crooked, dark world! `