By Kyle K. Mann
1) The reason we are fighting in the Middle East is:
a. Greedy males want money and power
b. Greedy females compel males to fight for money and power
c. Because of hideous aliens with amazing powers
d. Frighteningly meaningless when viewed on a cosmic scale
e. All of the above
2) The reason you don’t have a lot of money right now is:
a. Other people are smarter or born into better circumstances
b. Greedy upper class people aka the one percent have “stripped” everyone else
c. High drug outlay
d. You waste too much time taking internet quizzes
e. All of the above
3) The reason few people like U.S. presidents any more is:
a. They are pompous power seekers interested mainly in their own images
b. Their officious and overbearing manner results in death and destruction
c. They erode our once-excellent freedoms and civil liberties
d. They are simply hideous
e. All of the above
4) The thing you would most like to do right now is:
a. Get laid
b. Get high
c. Get high, then get laid
d. Land a high paying job, or better, win the lottery
e. Kill enemy aliens who threaten our freedoms and way of life
5). The thing you most fear is:
a: Getting nuked
b: Not getting laid
c: Not getting laid, then getting nuked
d: Not having a lot of money
e: Listening to any president speak
6). The reason you watch too much TV is:
a: To distract you from the burning problems threatening to overwhelm your sanity
b: To say up to date with current culture and have something to talk about
c: Because you are compelled to by hideous aliens
d: Because you secretly love the commercials
e: All of the above
7) [If married] The reason you you are miserable in your marriage is:
a: They don’t have the same interests you do
b: They don’t have the same sex drive you do
c: Not enough money
d: You watch too much TV
e: All of the above
8) [If single] The reason you are single and miserable is:
a: People who are cuter or have more money grabbed all the good ones
b: You are afraid to get stuck in another, even more miserable relationship
c: Hideous aliens have mutated and/or implanted you, and you make your dates nervous
d: Frighteningly meaningless when viewed on a cosmic scale
e: All of the above
9) The reason we need to bomb and invade Iran soon is:
a: They might build a nuke someday
b: They make their women wear stuff on their heads
c: A hideous alien saucer crashed there and we have to grab it before the Russkies do
d: Its time to remind the whole world we can do anything we want because we rock
e: It will prop up our war economy for another year or two
10). Your greatest fantasy is:
a: Being tied and spanked, because you’re bad
b: Tying and spanking someone else, because they’re bad
c: Way too kinky to ever tell anyone about
d: Frighteningly meaningless when viewed on a cosmic scale
e: World peace
Scoring: if you get to the bottom, you win
(Special thanks to Karen Horst, for inspiring me)
