artwork copyright© 2015 joeyfeldman, all rights reserved; www.joeyfeldman.com
By: Kidman J. Williams
Adolf Hitler was a cunt! That is the only statement that comes to mind when I think about the cowardly little former painter turned Cunty McTwatalot. I know, most writers would write something a little less abrasive, a little more history and some of these spineless tics might even try to show a bit of sympathy towards the Hitler character; all to try to save face for the next job interview. That is not me! To Hell with him and all of his modern cousins.
The Brief History of the world’s biggest cunt
I will proudly stand up and call Adolfus Jacob Hitler a contradictory cunt! I plan on breaking a world record with this article for the use of “cunt” in a published piece (I wonder if there is one? Damn…I hope this doesn’t get too redundant). I am talking about a man who actually said, “Humanitarianism is the expression of stupidity and cowardice.” He also said, “If you win, you need not have to explain…If you lose, you should not be there to explain.” Who is the real cowardly cunt; we see this very behavior happening now with ISIS and even the cunt spawns of Neo-Nazism.
The little brunette man was born on the stoner holiday of April 20th, in 1889 in Branau am Inn, Austria, to Alois Hitler and Klara Polzl. When the cunt turned 3 the family moved to Germany. Following his brother Edmund’s death in 1900, Adolf Cuntler became detached and introverted. We all know by now that A-cunt-auf eventually became another pissed off artist with more brains than sense (i.e. Charles Manson).
A little less known fact is that Adolf was jailed for a year under charges of high treason. In jail, he penned most of the first volume of “Mein Kampf.” The book laid out his plan to transform German society into one based on race. This all probably started when the little cunt felt betrayed by Germany’s surrender in WWI in 1918. Hitler felt that the Treaty of Versailles was degrading. He, like others, hated the fact that Germany accepted responsibility for starting the war.
Some would say that “The Great Depression” in Germany provided a political opportunity for Hitler. I say that “The Great Depression” opened the window for a little racist cunt to take advantage of a weak community who needed a scapegoat for its economic decay and a hero to bring them out of it. The long story short, he and his Nazi regime were able to take power. After his defeat, he somehow managed to keep a stranglehold on society with many followers, and wannabe power hungry cunts like Hitler started other organizations to sustain this idea against race.
Spring Hill, Florida…leave it to fucking Florida
I don’t like racism. I really hate organized racists! Florida is lousy with these convoluted little cunts. They have everything from the garbage backwoods KKK to the highly organized compounds of the Neo-Nazis (thanks Cunt-olph Cuntler). Don’t get me wrong, Florida is a beautiful place. It would just be better without all of the racial tensions that still exist to this day.
It was 2006, maybe 2007. I had just got off of assignment. At that time in my life I was freelancing for a nightlife rag in Tampa doing strip club reviews. That wasn’t the worst job in the world. I was paid a measly $25 to $50 per article, but they gave me a bar tab that included lap dances; not bad for a single twenty-something.
Most men go to strip clubs with one thing on their minds; when you go to strip clubs for work you stop thinking with your dick and you just start thinking. This particular night I saw a girl that jump started the sub-brain. She was a tall slender girl with long raven hair and classic 50’s make-up. She had a classic pin-up body, thick and thin in all the right places.
I was looking at her as she walked towards me with a Jayne Mansfield sway. The heavy Hip Hop music disappeared and all I could hear in my head was “After Dark” from the movie, “From Dusk ‘till Dawn.”
She leaned over me and whispered heavy into my ear and asked if I wanted a dance. I could feel her breath on my neck, it smelled like Juicy-Fruit and Vodka. All I could do to answer was give a nod of my head and looked at her with my melting puppy eyes.
She took my hand with a seductive smile over her shoulder. She sat me down in the dark two walled stall that was the VIP booth. I looked up towards her dark eyes and asked, “What is your name?”
She threw her leg up over my legs and looked me deep in the eyes, “Eva.”
“Obviously not your real name, right?”
“No, not my real name,” she continued. “I just really like the name. It is very much a fantasy for me.”
“You mean, the name is a fantasy for the guys.”
“No!” she said very assertive and militant. “It is just as much for me as it is for the men.”
She took her shirt off and I was just mesmerized by her perfection. She moved with the grace of a wild African Lynx. She slid up and down my body like a brass pole. She took off the small little shorts to reveal a swastika tattoo right above her vagina. “What is that?” I asked as if I didn’t already know.
“I know what they are!” I asserted myself. “Why do you have them?”
She pulled up off of me crossing her arms in a defensive manner. “I believe in what they wanted to do for their countrymen.”
“What’s that? Kill masses of people because one man hated a quarter of his heritage?”
I stood up to walk out and Eva walked out after me screaming about how I’m a faggot for walking out.
The bouncer came up and asked what the problem was. I told him, “Your dancer is a racist little bigot cunt who needs to get her head on straight.”
The bouncer bowed up a little bit, “What the fuck do you mean by that?”
“You look Puerto Rican; are you?”
“Yeah what does that have anything to do with it?”
“You may want to check her covered parts. I think her pussy has a rotten personality.”
I walked out as the bouncer started asking her questions and didn’t look back. I got into my car and turned the key. The radio popped on and it was “Angie,” by The Rolling Stones. As the song got to the 5th measure it dawned on me. “Eva!” I shouted to myself. “Eva-fucking-Braun! Wow, what a bitch!”
I sped off to my favorite local bar, Cravitz. The rational man in me kept thinking about how much I despised Eva, but the man in me kept thinking about how hot she really was. I kept thinking to myself, what a shame. Little did I know, that this incident was a foretelling of things to come that night.
The Bar, the Beast, and the Neo-Reich
Cravitz was a former biker bar turned local hotspot in the area. The owners always seemed a little pissed off at the patrons. They liked the biker atmosphere and never changed it, which seemed to be that much more appealing to the locals including myself. It was dark, a little dirty, loud, and it was just what you wanted.
The crowd was always very mixed. You had hip-hoppers, punks, straight, gay, black and white; you had Mexicans, Puerto Ricans and Rednecks. People from all walks of life and upbringings came there. It was your typical hometown bar and we liked it that way.
I walked in to be greeted by Xavier. Xavier was a tall slender African-American that really looked a lot like Snoop Dogg. I made my rounds to everyone with the normal bro shakes and hugs from the girls. I sat down at the bar. I waved for George behind the bar and he gave me his normal “daFuck you want” look from his stool behind the bar.
George was a real beast in every sense of the word. He was about 58 years old, out of shape and walked with a bit of a hunch in his back; no doubt from years of abuse and young reckless abandonment as a young man. However dinged up he was, that never stopped him from being a real hard-ass. You really didn’t want to cross George.
His daughter was a bartender there. She was a real beautiful girl. She was blonde and fit, about 5’4 with pouty lips that you could just kiss for the rest of your days; she was classic beauty. She came up and gave me a hug over the bar. “Don’t mind Daddy, you know how he is?!?”
“Yeah, I know how he is and right now he looks like he wants to bounce my head off a couple of the pillars and throw me out of here for even talking to you.”
She giggled a bit, “So, what do you want tonight?”
“Come on, you know by now.”
“Pint of Guinness and a shot of Makers coming up,” she gave me a wink and bounced off to fetch my starter drinks.
I slipped her the money and tip and dropped my shot down my throat. There was a weird vibe that night in the bar. It was just one of those feelings that you get but don’t have a clue what or why. Everyone seemed to be in a general good mood, except for George who just sat with his gorilla like scowl. He really was the “Great White Ape.”
I played some pool games, drank some more and kissed up on a hot dark haired girl of a Latin descent of some sort. A good hour passed. I sat back at the bar to get another shot. Just then the door opened and a man walked in. He was about 6’2, slender with a bald head and huge sideburns. As he walked through the door, time seemed to slow down like destiny had just taken a highlighter to the pages and said “This is important.”
He came up to me and asked if I wanted his CD. He handed it to me and I looked at the peculiar cover art, a hand drawn picture with a bunch of screaming people with bald heads. I looked at the track list on the back, songs that were titled, “White Stomp,” “Organize” and the most blatant one of them all, “Nigger Loving Tramp.” It was pretty apparent that this was no pop rock group.
I handed him back the disc and thought about it for a second. I thought about what I should do. If I hit the guy I’m probably going to get thrown out of my favorite bar. Knowing George I would probably be banned for life despite the situation. If I didn’t do anything I would feel like a hypocrite. After that thought went, I came to the idea of responsibility. If I let this guy go without a word, he was going to get himself killed by the rest of the bar because he looked stupid enough to go further with his racist music peddling.
I looked the racist taint waffle in the eyes and told him, “You are in the wrong bar, bub.” I pointed over towards the group, “Do you see those people over there?
He looked over at the crowd and looked back at me. “Yeah.”
“You are in the wrong bar. If I don’t hit you the rest of them sure as fuck will and they will make you look like a cunt that has been assaulted by a wall of a thousand cocks.”
As I was saying this to him he looked like he understood. As soon as I called him a cunt, his face seemed to turn a little and his fist went up. “Don’t do it man!” I shouted.
His hands went back down to a more relaxed state like he had come to his senses. I turned back towards the bar to grab my drink, Out of the corner of my eye I saw his fist coming at my face. The only thing I had time to do was drop. So I threw myself backwards on the stool to the floor. He missed his knock-out blow, but that didn’t stop him from kicking me once before the bouncer got there and ruthlessly threw him out the door.
The bouncer came up to me after taking him out and asked what had happened. I told him exactly what the deal was. I heard George yelling from behind the bar. The bouncer looked over at George and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll explain to him about what happened. You did the right thing dude. Let me buy you a drink to settle that stomach. “
Xavier came over with a couple other guys. “You ight?”
“I’ll be fine X.”
After I told them what happened they wanted to find the little Neo Nazi twat and kick the hell out of him. I shouldn’t have shown the guy any mercy, but I certainly didn’t want to have to go in front of a judge for that piece of crap either.
So what of it?
So, I think I’ve made my stance on racism pretty boldly. I think I’ve made my stance on Hitler even bolder. I think that they are all a bunch of shart eating hounds (you won’t see a big business journalist use shart in a sentence will you).
So, why is Hitler such a cunt? Here comes the naughty word that usually shuts everybody’s brains down; Hitler was a fascist. If I have to explain to you what that term means; that means that you are susceptible to a fascist takeover. Hitler, upon the death of President Paul von Hindenburg in 1934, consolidated his and the minority Nazi Party’s power with the Enabling Act of 1933. Does this sound familiar? Yes, it should! The U.S. is not the only country who pushes laws into place for personal gain and wants.
Now I’m not saying that the cunts in the Nazi Party invented the fascist regime. What I’m saying is that they really laid quite a blueprint for it. The Nazi-cunt-Party cowed the public through thuggery, intimidation and all out lies under the guise of safety and prosperity for the country.
We see these tactics today with the Tea Party movement, the banks, and even what used to be called Republican, now referred to as Conservatives. Frankly I throw the whole left and their offshoots into this too. We are at a dangerous point in history. This is where we have fascists rising up into powerful positions. We have the public trying to fight it and of course the bad apples who give the fascists a reason to condemn it by all means necessary within the pages of a well written bill, act, or policy.
This is not a black and white, brown and yellow kind of issue. This is a clique thing. That’s right, like high school. If you aren’t with the “in” crowd you will be on the outside looking in. Good-bye American Dream, hello work camps and a set amount of tokens to buy your food rations.
What happened to me in the bar is what we have to remember. Think about the thoughtless. Those that will react without thought, because they are not.