By: Staff Writer Yail Bloor
WASHINGTON D.C. – Taking a cue from his famous Beer Summit ’09, President Obama plans to host a similar “bong summit to bring about resolution and closure on the marijuana legalization issue.”
“I want to bring together opposing forces and see if they can find a common ground over some sticky nugs of OG Kush,” said the President following the decriminalization of marijuana in Washington D.C.
“It would be cool if we could hotbox the presidential limo,” said Obama. “Or maybe do some fat dabs in the helicopter as we buzz the roof of Congress.”
Invited to the summit from the prohibition side are DEA Chief Michele Leonhart , TV’s Nancy Grace, and the dynamic duo Kevin Sabet and Patrick Kennedy from the group Smart Approaches to Marijuana.
Representing for the reefers will be actor Woody Harrelson, CNN’s Dr. SanJay Gupta, Ricardo Baca, editor of The Cannabist, and video blogger Coral Reefer. As of press time, the White House had not returned a number of phone calls from self-proclaimed cannabis expert Cheryl Shuman.
“Don’t even talk to me about that bitch,” said the President.
During her television show Nancy Grace reacted to the invitation with rage and disgust, twisting her eyebrows wildly, flaring her nostrils with an Elvis sneer, and drooling on her desk as she panted and lunged towards the camera as if about to consume it.
“The President…wants me…to go hang out…and SMOKE POT? No, no and double no!” she shouted in a batshit frenzy.
Kennedy and Sabet said they were open to discussion as long as they did all the talking, but they stressed that Obama’s plan sent the wrong message to children.
“Who does he think he is? President Joe Camel?” joked Kennedy.
DEA Chief Leonhart said she never obeys the administration’s mandates but said she would be attending the gathering, with a no-knock warrant and a contingent of DEA Agents.
“It may be decriminalized in D.C. but the White House is still Federal Property, even with Barack Hussein Obama living there,” said Leonhart.
The President, a former charter member and leader of the infamous pot smoking Choom Gang, is perplexed by their reactions.
“These are just the type of people who really need to get high,” he said. “Smoking weed was a huge part of my formative years. It opens the mind to new perspectives. I wouldn’t be the man I am today if I hadn’t been baked out of my mind for a large portion of my youth. Plus, I have some bitching new heady glass I need to break in.”
First Lady Michelle Obama had no comment.
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