So Many Dick Pics

by April S. Kelley

I will never understand why guys send pictures of their genitalia to girls they barely know. What is it they gain from this revealing exchange? What do they think we do with said pictures?

I will tell you one thing with certainty. No one, and I mean no one, masturbates to a dick pic. It is not even remotely arousing, nor is it something we want. It is humorous, maybe. Also, if it is someone with whom we have never had sex, as it usually is, you have just taken the mystery out of it. The mystery is half the fun. We like to be surprised and impressed by your cock, we do, but in person.

Last night, I was chatting with a guy who I had begun to like. He has good taste. He is attractive. I’m enjoying the conversation and my wine, when things took a sexual turn. Mind you, we were just discussing some of our past sexual experiences and the things that either encompass or define our sexuality. For example, I admitted what caused my sexual awakening as a very young child. Gonzo, the muppet from Sesame Street, caused my first sexual feelings ever. I mean, his nose is a dick. Since then, I have always had a thing with men with either large and/or prominent noses. I explained this to him after asking the random wine-fueled question, “What is your nose like?”

I could feel things heating up between us, and I felt like I wanted to fuck this guy at some point. Of course, I can never know whether or not I would actually fuck him until we meet in person, until I feel some physical energy between us, until we kiss. Everything you need to know will be in that first kiss. If it isn’t good, the sex won’t be either, namely because I won’t be turned on.

As I could feel things progressing textually, I went ahead and made a statement that no one should have to make. I said, “Please don’t ever send me any dick pics. No one faps to dick pics.” He seemed offended that I would say such a thing and assured me that he is not that type of guy. I felt relieved and a bit like an asshole.

We kept talking, rather sexually, as I became even more wine drunk. I mentioned that all the talk had made me a bit randy. And then.. the dreaded dick pic arrives in my inbox. Not only was this a picture of his greasy dick, but there was a bit of cum on the tip. I was officially turned off.

I could not believe that he sent that pic only ten minutes after I asked him not to do such a thing. I was appalled and offended. I am certain that my reply was not what he was hoping for, as I simply said, “Seriously? I thought you were better than that. I thought you were different.”

He apologized profusely and begged for a ‘do-over.’ I obliged reluctantly, though all sexual talk was halted.

Now, I may still fuck this guy at some point. But this would only happen if something or someone better does not come along. He had been my first pick for my next lay. Now he has been moved to the back-burner. He may never get used at all.

Every time I receive a dick pic, which happens way too often, I wonder the same thing. When did dating get to this low-point? Women still desire a level of respect and romance before any sexual encounter. Or at least most women. Maybe buy me dinner, take me out, meet me in person, get to know me a little, then maybe we will talk about your pee-pee.