by Mark Linnhoefer – On Tuesday morning at 4:30am, police discovered two passed-out U.S. Navy sailors on the floor of a bank next to feces that were dropped there by one of the men.
Police say that alcohol might have been a factor during the break-in, to which this reporter says: “No shit?!”. Seriously, isn’t it damn fucking obvious that no one would break into a bank to take a dumb and sleep on the floor next to it if they are sober?
One of the two was reportedly escorted out of the building wearing nothing but trash bags, which is another indicator of extreme drunkenness.
The pair has been charged with breaking-and-entering and vandalism. They are currently free on a $2000 bond and are to appear in court on Friday.
This reporter would like to add that this entire story points to nothing more than an extremely wild, old-fashioned, drink-fueled night out for two young gentlemen. All they were doing was trying to have a good time, but unfortunately it escalated and they will now have to face charges. Tough luck, guys.
So, kids, remember this: If you’re piss-drunk, don’t attempt a bank robbery or defecation, or you will end up on the news as a national embarrassment. Selah.