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I Killed a Man

January 25, 2015 Mario Burns Featured content, Poetry 0

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by Mario Burns

The night before my nightmare
Sitting in my chair
I begin to fade out at some point

Wake up downtown
There is blood on my hands and shirt
I rush home; pull the covers over my head
Close my eyes
Before I fall asleep, the alarm goes off
And so it begins

Rising from my lonely bed
I look out my only window
The sky is cloudy and dark in the middle of April
The food tastes rotten and spoiled
There was a sadness kissing my children before school

Am I going crazy?
The dog even looked away from me

I look at the clock, it says 9:43 am
Around ten minutes after leaving home
I check the time again
It’s now closing in on 1:00 pm
What the fuck?
At this point I begin to lose control

Am I going crazy?
The stop light has been red for over 20 minutes

Finally arrive at the decaying building with my hidden corner office
This office is smaller than I remember it
I’ve seen no one so far
The news is on and says the police are looking for me
Possible homicide and I’m the likely suspect

I run and run, making it to the car without being seen
What if they find the blood stained clothes?
I sit there and pause for a moment
What if they’re at my house?

As I realize it was me
My legs start to tremble, I now remember the knife
I remember hearing him scream
This can’t be real
I killed that man last night

Instincts take hold
I drive to the next city
I pack what I can into the trunk
Couldn’t find everything I needed but it will have to make do

“Exit Music” by Radiohead plays on my stereo
I have no time to tell my mom I love her
No time for last words with my son
I will never see my daughter’s face again
I have to go off-scale to have any chance at not being caught

I am already a ghost
I get a shot of adrenaline
If I can make it to Mexico, I may have a chance

I find some pills under my seat
I take them all to slow down my heartbeat
It flutters and stops every few minutes from my blood pressure
Usually I’d be scared, but my heart exploding sounds like an option right now

Run out of goddamn gas near El Paso
I hitch a ride with a Harley dealer named Pedro
I have him take me right to his bikes
Playing off the car I just left behind
I buy a Dyna Wide Glide with all cash
I tell Pedro have my car towed to the gas pump across the street

About a mile down the road as I get closer
I see lights flashing behind me and know I can’t stop
I now have six cop cars chasing and a helicopter that just joined them
Please let me wake up, this has to be a dream

I will not let my kids know I’m in a Texas prison
This bike has cruise control
I stand on my seat to take my life
My arms out like wings
Why isn’t this thing crashing?
I move my weight around
Still nothing

The engine cuts out
I fall perfectly back into the seat
I’m now surrounded by rifles
There are laser sights on my chest and on my forehead

Hoping for a quick death
I run straight forward
I trip and fall before being shot
I’m now restrained, dirt in my mouth, and a knee in my back

I killed a man, a young kid with an android phone recorded the attack
No insanity plea will pass, I can’t even watch the video they are showing
No explanation, just a bad dream I can not awake from

My kids are going to know everything

I now spend my days in a 6 x 8 prison cell
Staring at the wall
Too dead to cry
My mind deteriorates, my thoughts brutally attack me everyday
I have no defense

God talks to me
There is no afterlife
No heaven or hell
Just darkness awaits us all
Forever asleep

Heaven is here on Earth
It’s the life of a person who has love from their family
The person who sleeps at night without medication or illegal drugs
Financially stable and healthy, happy with their everyday life

Some people don’t have heaven or hell in their life

I have entered hell

I can see my kids faces, I can smell their hair

I can see my mother smiling

I will burn tonight

 

Mario Burns

illustration by david pratt

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