by: Steve Corbett
I want to get high with Joe Biden.
Show the U.S.A. we’re reasonable doobie brothers, especially when it comes to the increasing national demand for decriminalization and legalization of marijuana.
We need to germinate immediate action on federal legislation that will take root and blossom into a cannabis victory garden from seed to shining seed. Pot plays an increasingly significant role in America’s cultural, economic and criminal justice future.
Even Vice President Kamala Harris has come around on praising grass over the years since she admitted smoking weed in college. Harris took a more punitive stance during her career as a prosecutor, but what about now? She lives in Washington D.C. where herb is legal and, as a U.S. senator, represented California where recreational cannabis use also is legal. Does she currently catch a buzz after a busy day at the office?
How about Biden himself? Did that scrappy kid from Scranton ever take a toke when he was cruising in his Vette trying to impress the “ladies” when he was a dapper dope around town? If so, when was his last hit?
Sounds like a good question for the White House Press Office, especially since Biden fired five White House staffers in March for past pot use.
Since I’m clean except for California pinot noir and haven’t smoked a joint or used any other illegal drug in about 35 years, as Scranton’s unauthorized, unofficial, outlaw White House correspondent I figure I’m more than qualified to dig into this in-depth report.
While I’m at it I might as well ask my U.S. Sen. Robert P. Casey Jr. and my Congressman Matt Cartwright. Did these two far-out Pennsylvania dudes ever let down their hair and suck the life out of a roach in the spirit of American independence?
How about lawmakers from states where pot already is legal? I’ll bet some of those dull stoners are showing up to vote on crucial bills wondering what planet they represent.
As you might expect, nobody answered my serious emails about their boss’ drug use or their own. That includes White House Press Office staffers Angela Perez and Seth Schuster, Casey Chief-of-staff Kristen Gentile and Cartwright Chief-of-staff Hunter Ridgway.
I asked these pampered bureaucrats simple questions: Have Biden, Casey, Cartwright and the four lesser public servants ever used marijuana? If so, when was the last time they fired one up?
Honesty’s easy.
Just ask me.
I probably last smoked a joint sometime in 1982. My behavioral change occurred when I accepted a full-time weekly newspaper job that set me walking the journalism path for the next four decades. I couldn’t honestly investigate illegal behavior among elected and appointed public officials if I engaged in illegal behavior.
Although I didn’t serve as a public official, my personal credibility depended on practicing what I preached. Obeying the law still means something to me even though I’m a political radical who favors full federal legalization of pot, defunding the cops and ending the drug war by legalizing other criminal drugs, as well.
That’s why I’m chomping at the bong to meet President Biden at the White House for a taste of government-approved ganja.
No smoking for me, though. It took three years to kick a dirty 20-year cigarette habit and I’m off almost 30 years. Smoking anything except grilled tofu is bad for your health, but I’m sure my homie Joe and I can find another way to get loaded together. Gel gummies are also out since I’m a pescatarian and eating animal products other than fish is off my menu. I’ll turn 70 in June. With Joe pushing 80, he needs to chill with the red meat, as well. My man can even pick the music and maybe show a late-night Cheech and Chong movie.
If President Biden gets ripped with me he might see the error of his ways. Firing young or old staffers over twenty-first century reefer madness is about as anti-American as J. Edgar Hoover. Even former presidents Bill Clinton and George Bush dug the power of the plant.
National founding father Bob Dylan said it best: Everybody must get stoned.
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