COMMENTARY

Donald Trump – Ready or Not Here He Comes

By Kidman J. Williams

As I sit and watch this inauguration while I am writing this up, the Bible verses have been put out on the table, I can’t help but notice discomfort in Trump’s shrewd little ducky face. And his contempt as the Missouri State Choral sing for him.

JESUS! Does the man ever smile? Oh look, he did smile! Jesus, stop smiling, it reminds me of my ex’s creepy Uncle Frank.

I, like most of the country, I still can’t believe this is actually happening. We already voted in an actor who wasn’t that great…why not a reality star. Better him than one of the Kardashians I guess.

It has happened, officially now. Time to buckle into the ride and hope we don’t fall off the track in the first loop.

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All across the United States of America citizens are taking to the streets, walking out of schools, and even taking sick days from work to protest the inevitable fact that Donald Trump will be our next President of the US.

You can turn anywhere and find protests all over the country right now. Even in the very red state of Texas. There is a school in Austin where kids are going to be doing a demonstration by walking out of their classes.

Today is the inauguration, despite the millions of people across the country who have been in an odd state since Clinton lost the race. Never in all the elections that I’ve seen have I ever witnessed this kind of fallout.

Some people can’t eat, they can’t sleep, they can’t even function with long-time friends because they don’t share the same political views. The disdain for Trump is so great that our citizens can’t seem to keep it together anymore.

I went out into the streets (I needed to get cigarettes) and asked a simple clerk at my local Circle K, if he was a Trump supporter. Tyler was taking a smoke break on the side of the building when I approached him with his shaggy blonde hair and he said, “Trump is evil. He is a horrible person. Obama was awesome. He cared about people and he was about peace and he didn’t want to kick out illegal immigrants like Trump does.”

Well, I hated to burst his millennial bubble, but I did anyway, “You do know that Obama hasn’t had a moment of peace during his whole eight years in office? He also kicked out record numbers of illegal immigrants during his two terms.”

Tyler looked at me with disgust, like I killed his cat with a hammer and ate his goldfish live. “You know what? Fuck you!” he said with feeling as he brushed back his hair and walked away.

I yelled, “What did I say? I just stated the facts to you.”

This has been the most publicized inauguration I remember in all my years. I don’t even remember Obama’s being this public. And he was our first Black President.

Trump has already made some pretty controversial moves and he hasn’t even hit the Oval Office yet. His choices to head education, Betsy DeVos who has zero education in the job that she is about to take on. Rick Perry is another one. No reason an oil man should be in charge of environmental issues.

Either way you look at it, this is happening. The best I think that we can do is sit back, watch him closely and stop crying about it. This is our reality. This is our time. Watch him like a hawk and when he inevitably steps out of line, we need to stand united.

Rolling Stone Lost Their Minds Yoko Ono Buys 5 Stars

By: Kidman J. Williams

We’ve heard all the jokes about how Rolling Stone Magazine hasn’t been relevant for many years. They’ve been out of touch with the youth and most of all…they wouldn’t know good music if it jumped up and bit them on the genitalia that they used to have when they tackled hard-nosed journalism.

It has become more apparent than ever when I came across a review of Yoko Ono’s three reissues by Christopher R. Weingarten.

Instead of telling you ‘this is what we think about Yoko Ono’s reissues,’ the author and Rolling Stone editors felt the need to Continue reading

Smashing Pumpkins ORIGINAL Lineup Back Together

By: Kidman J. Williams

It has been confirmed that The original lineup of the Smashing Pumpkins will be getting back together. The Smashing Pumpkins were an important piece of the 90’s Alternative scene when they released Gish in 1991. By the time Siamese Dream hit they were bonafide rock stars.

The original lineup hasn’t played together for 14 years making this something that many fans are eager to hear after a slew of Billy Corgan “Rotting Pumpkins” albums. Most of the material that came out of the Continue reading

The Internet Just Raped My Brain

By: Coach Dan

The internet. What was once a marvel of modern civilization has quickly deteriorated into a hub for perverts, dope fiends, crooks, and cats. The Uneducated Elite, who in the past was resigned to sitting on their trailer steps and guzzling Bud Light by the quart while they deliver loathesome sermons to other half-mad, fully-drunk dingbats, now has as valid a voice in the world as a summa cum laude Harvard graduate. And it’s not going well for anyone.

As I sit here sipping on my Glenlivet and listening to Dylan, I wonder, where did we go wrong?  I am reading comments on internet articles on how the Obamas are “monkeys”; people are STILL waiting for them to publicly release their birth certificates to prove that they aren’t, in fact, ISIS agents sent here to destroy the country in some elaborate, 10-year gig that is finally coming to fruition.  Elsewhere, college-age kids don blackface for Halloween and laugh when Black Lives Matter tries to point out their ignorance.  Hate crimes have actually RISEN in the US lately, and we are left to pick up the pieces, trying to figure out what went wrong, and how this country took such a drastic leap backwards after such a positive step forward in 2004.

Continue reading

Perverse Wailing at the Red Roof Inn

art by Joey Feldman

by Joseph Seiss

It’s only been a month since the election and I’ve already begun the grim slide into a whole new world of psychotic behavior. All of a sudden my worst fears are a sobering reality. No more jokes. Donald Trump has brutally murdered fun with a blunt object in the back of a stolen minivan, and then uploaded the whole gruesome thing to YouTube.

When they shut down the Daily Show and haul John Oliver off to Cuba, I’ll be standing next to the wild-eyed pervert in the crusty army coat by the freeway holding the sign that reads, “repent”. Yes. Sobriety is the new madness in an age where fascists run the show.

As I recall, the darkest moment of this election cycle went down on a blurry night in October at a Red Roof Inn South of the St. Louis International Airport. I had just fled back to my room with a bottle of Bacardi Gold and a bag of limes to decompress after sneaking onto the Washington University campus during the second presidential debate.

Trembling, I cocked my head around the door frame to give the empty parking lot a good scan before I bolted the door to my dimly lit hotel room. Muttering to myself, I yanked the curtains closed and flipped on the TV. I took a violent pull from the Bacardi, cracked a beer and did some breathing exercises as Wolf Blitzer and Kellyanne Conway bickered about the fate of humanity on CNN.

I would have stuck around on campus to get the feel for things, but the experience had given me such a sour jolt that all I could do was flee back to the Red Roof Inn. The mood had turned rotten after Trump’s sniveling vitriol spiraled into a kind of hateful, ritualistic display of brutish physical intimidation.

Watching that ape-lipped reprobate pace around behind Hillary like a prowling jackal was all it took. I was bound to do something rash. Anything, like maybe corner the InfoWars correspondent standing by the coffee booth, and jabber at him about how the Feds hauled my cousin away to the nuthouse after he called to report that his dentist was an extraterrestrial.

I figured this was my grand opportunity to leave my mark. Rattle the fuckers. Yes. Give them a run for their money. Show them there are other powers at play here. Yes. Then hightail it halfway across town to chuckle about it over a box of wine and some crab rangoon. Yes.

At one point, as I stood with a crowd of students straddling the CNN pavilion on the north lawn of Brookings Quadrangle, Cory Lewandowski brushed past me. I briefly succumbed to a fleeting desire to clock that prickly haired little weasel in the nuts. Obviously I resisted my animal desire, but the scenario played out it my mind’s eye.

BREAKING NEWS: Some kind of grinning, disillusioned, publicity seeking degenerate who somehow evaded campus security was apprehended Sunday at the site of the second presidential debate in St. Louis, MO, after allegedly assaulting Cory Lewandowski, GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump’s estranged ex-campaign manager.

The suspect, identified as a Kansas City man with a documented history of mental illness, was arrested by the St. Louis police department after striking Lewandowski in the groin. According to reports, the suspect refused to cooperate with police, and snarled incoherently at news cameras as authorities drug him off the Washington University campus amidst a wide-eyed frenzy of media and onlookers…

But that was then. This is now. Circumstances have changed. Donald Trump has thrust himself upon the helm. I’ve even considered converting to Islam, buying a hot piece and holing up in a motel room somewhere on the outskirts of Denver. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and with each headline the world seems to be crawling closer and closer towards the edge. But alas, only the paranoid will drag themselves from the smoldering heap. Or will they? Survival of the…fittest.

Even Steve Bannon can get behind that right? When the Trump people realize they were played for fools and their man gets caught embezzling public funds to settle his lawsuits, who will they blame then? They certainly won’t blame themselves, and now that Breitbart is technically the de facto state propaganda apparatus, white nationalism is now the hottest ticket in town.

The only silver lining I can grasp at this point is the fact that Trump and his transition team are so risibly inept that soon enough the whole thing will just keel over like a sick addict. I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of a swift and brutal impeachment months after the inauguration. Call it wishful thinking, but a man without a bright side in this day and age is a man bound for a depth of depravity that would cause even Charles Bukovski to shake his head in consternation.

We can only hope that in the end these strange days don’t count against us.

Selah